Swingers Know the Rules

  • Rules of the Swinger Lifestyle


    As with anything in life, knowing the rules will help you be more successful as a swinger in this sexy lifestyle. Rules provide swingers a helpful structure and a clear pathway around those troublesome landmines. Lifestyle rules make it easier on you, your relationship, and the swinger community.


    First, let’s chat about the common swinging community rules. These are the rules you will encounter throughout the many different swinger clubs, resorts and house parties. Of course, each venue is different and has its own set of rules or variations on these common rules, so make sure to check beforehand to avoid offending anyone. More importantly, make sure you and your partner are comfortable with the rules before diving in headfirst.

    Always Ask

    This simple rule reminds all swingers that just because we are attending a sex party, we should still ask for permission before touching or playing. If someone says “no thanks” to you, you should not ask again during that event. Don’t be surprised if someone says “no thanks”. There are countless reasons someone might not want to play and many of them have nothing to do with you. A swinger might not want to play because they don’t feel comfortable just yet, or aren’t attracted to you, or are too tired, or maybe they know they have had too much to drink. Don’t assume it’s okay and just start touching or interacting. That is a very quick way to be kicked out and blacklisted. Be polite and always ask first.

    Anyone Can Say No

    As we’ve said, it’s harder to make a connection when you’re swinging because you need everyone involved to be ready to play. For two couples to swing, all four people need to have the right connection and feel up to playing. The swinging community wants everyone to feel comfortable and safe, which is why everyone has the power to say “no” (preferably “no thanks”, because that sounds more polite).

    Illegal Drugs Aren’t Welcome

    People on drugs rarely make the best decisions, and this leads to drama or worse: the police showing up. Illegal drugs are not welcome in the lifestyle. This doesn’t mean that swinging is 100% drug free. Some people really enjoy their drugs and will find a way to sneak them into an event.

    A common drug you’ll encounter is marijuana. Regardless of how you feel about marijuana use, you probably want to avoid it when you’re swinging. Its smell can attract police if you aren’t in a legal area and you don’t want to deal with police when you are naked and sweaty! Even if you are in a legal area that allows marijuana and you’re with marijuana friendly swingers, you will still want to take it easy. You don’t want to make bad decisions because you aren’t thinking clearly when high, or deal with drama when your swapping partners get too high.

    Most swinging events will kick you out for any illegal drugs. About the only drugs welcome at a swinging event are ED pills to help guys perform. Many guys are using those little blue pills, whether they admit it or not. Be smart and talk with your doctor before taking ED pills.

    Really Respectful

    We’re all in this crazy swinging community for the same reason – to have a good time. Being rude or obnoxious is not welcome in this community. Make sure to always be polite and respect each other. We all look different and none of us are perfect supermodels; remember to respect others even if they don’t look like the sex god or goddess of your dreams.

    You should know that in general, others in the community will respect you in return. Most of us will find you sexier than your ego even realizes. Swingers tend to be happier people, which is probably because we get to enjoy a lot more sex than the vanilla world. Sexually-satisfied people tend to just be nicer to be around than the sexually-frustrated meanies you can find in the vanilla world!

    Crucially Confidential

    You will learn things about other people in the swinging community, and others will learn things about you, as you spend more time together. All swingers are expected to respect other swingers and not share any personal or confidential information with others. Some swingers are publicly open about their swinging status, but most people in the lifestyle prefer not to share this part of their life with the vanilla world.

    When in doubt, think about the “need to know” principle. Don’t share confidential information unless it’s on a real need-to-know basis. Most of the time, that is not the case. Protect any confidential information you might know, and expect other swingers to do the same!

    Plus Many More…

    Those are some of the common rules in the lifestyle. They are important, but they are not as important as your own private rules. These are the rules that you make with your partner to ensure everyone plays within the comfort zone and you go home happy, with your relationship securely intact.  Make sure to also read our article about personal swinging rules.